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home confess forums |  shoutwall time: 5:29am Sep 05 2010
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welcome to shoutwall.com, a singaporean confession wall to share singapore secrets...
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| 000001355 (feeling so fucked up) | 287 hugs (hug) | comment | | am about to do something which i will definitely regret. but im doing it just to please people which i no longer want to meet. what am i supposed to do. why am i so anti-social. especially towards them. those past feelings have long fade. | | Sponsored Ads | |
| | 000001354 (lost in luxury) | 312 hugs (hug) | comment | | Here I am, high above singapore. Alone. Dreaming of a princess to join me. Longing for a princess I left behind. One that I shouldnt have had. But glad I did. | | 000001353 (istillstruggle) | 284 hugs (hug) | comment | | You were my first, nearly 5 years ago when I was 18 and you were 26. I kept clinging on, you kept jerking me around with the I-miss-yous, but you never considered me your girlfriend. I felt too young, in your fabulously cool world. You were smart, you were funny and I felt you treated me special when you were with me. Then I realized, most of the time you weren't. And one day I realized, that I need to cut ties and move on. I had so many things to accomplish, and your flippancy towards me only sought to cause me too much grief.
So I made the decision to move forward and to sever all ties with you, put my drive and focus into some more tangible. I know it was the best for me and I don't regret it.
Fast forward 5 years, I've just graduated - 3 mths into a kickass investment job. Things are swell for me. Men like me, am not too hard on the eyes. Same as before, only coupled with self-confidence now - like you said you liked women who are confident. But I went go on facebook to check you out,you had a photo with another woman.
It hurt. I wish I was her.
My life has moved on, but the residual feelings are a lot deeper than I have admitted. I struggle knowing that to achieve and look forward - I cannot live in the past. Despite the men after you, I loved you first and only you.
I struggle sometimes, but I still need to march on forward. | | 000001352 (lalaboi) | 264 hugs (hug) | comment | | i wet my bed today. | | 000001351 (lost) | 345 hugs (hug) | comment | | Iam lost and lonely
on the outside i may seem happy
but my life is nthg but a tradegy
why wont people care about me? everyone i kno seems to want me only for a reson. i loved him so much but what did i get? cheating on me and makes me feel like s**t all the time.
why does it hurt so much? don feel like living anymore.
WHY? | | 000001350 (dontcallmebaby) | 336 hugs (hug) | comment | | baby i hate you. hate myself too. for being such a fool. blindly believing that you'll never let anyone or thing hurt me. how can you ever protect me from being hurt when you're practically the cause of all my hurt? how i wish i could tell what you're thinking when you're angry with me. you say you feel nothing towards me. then you have no right to even be angry. it concerns only us. 'us' being me & him. hope what everyone says is right. what are you waiting for? if you love me too, make me yours soon. don't keep me waiting any longer. i'm about to die from the pain & confusion. baby.. i think i love you too much. | | 000001349 (carmi***************) | 337 hugs (hug) | comment | | I broke up with my bf but now i love him more than ever. I wish i could tell him how i feel | | 000001348 (jigoku) | 406 hugs (hug) | comment | | I died of loniness today as I saw the happy faces of my course mates when parting ways after our last paper. It's my last day of school and an unbearable day for me. I had many friends. But I failed to make any close friends. My 'friends' all forgot about me and stuck to their other friends leaving me behind for dinner alone. In my fit of anger, I left without a word. No one noticed because no one even bothered to say good bye. Other than giving the face of appearing in one of the photos for the course photos, I avoided the camera at all cost so that I won't get into other's pictures. The remaining few that bothered about me left hurriedly because they are meeting their boyfriends. Seriously, everyone has a boy or girlfriend, has their clique, their hang out buddies. I am the odd one out. Forever the odd one . This happened all these years from primary school to now. 20 years. Nothing changed. From a person who never spoken in public, I am now a lively, cheerful, chatty person. What is still wrong with me? Why can't I have a best friend? Why is it that no one ever stays long enough to be my friend?
I didn't want to eat out alone. I felt like an anti social to be seen in the coffeeshop nearby eating alone. In the end, I went to the supermarket to buy some kimchi, meat, toufu and udon noodles to cook my very own kimchi udon at home.
Seriously, I have tried my best not to be anti-social. I am a perfectly normal human. I want to have friends. I want to be loved as well. I am loving myself. I am respecting myself. I am no longer displaying anti-social behaviour a long long time ago. And I know about trying too hard which scares people off. I have done lots of research. I go to bugis, orchard road etc to observe and learn about being normal. I observe my peers, my cousins, read up from books etc etc. All that effort I took are so totally wasted. Now, what am I to do? If not for this shoutwall, I really have no idea how much longer I am going to cry. | | 000001347 (faddygal) | 458 hugs (hug) | comment | | its been two years since liking him and yet noguts to ask whether he likes me back...i gotta let go but why is this so hard?
i hate it when he does not realised he is breaking my heart.
when u invited us to eat out on V day and i jokingly said i have a date with school and tuition, u dun have to freaking say 'that's nice. have a fun time!'
i dunno how long i can stand being hurt and yet still wanting to be close to him.
what's wrong with u girl?! | | 000001346 | 448 hugs (hug) | comment | | all my life, you wanted me to do things your way. when i finally decide, with much difficulty, to just go along with you, you would change your mind yet again to something that you know is hard for me to accept. when you 1st sent me to australia against my will by sneakily enrolling me for college without my knowing, i just went along, cause i knew you were stuck in your own thinking, that kids dyeing their hair during school holidays & having multiple earrings are gangsters. that was in the 60s not the new millenium. if you had just left me in singapore to continue my secondary education, i wouldn't have been made a scapegoat & get expelled & sent back to singapore. wouldn't have been raped. but never mind that. maybe that was my own stupidity. even after i was expelled, you still wanted to send me back to australia, this time to a girls' college. i honestly think you're selfish. all my life, i've never been in an all girls' school. and you just throw this new revelation at me & expect me to accept? obviously, i rejected the school acceptance. i've my own preferences too. i may be your daughter. but this is my life, not yours. it doesn't mean that you wanted to go overseas & study when you're younger means that i want that too. and instead of enrolling me in a school back in singapore, you just continue dreaming in your own lala world that a college in australia would accept me. i was not made a scapegoat for nothing. they did it so that no school would ever accept me. and when you finally woke up & realised that. you start imagining that i'm a drug addict who's prostituing herself to pay for her drug habit, you threw me in the girls' home, telling me you don't care if i'm so unhappy there that i developed depression, as long as you satisfy your own imagination. well, i've news for you, prostitutes don't wear big baggy t-shirts like i did back then, neither are all smokers or underage smokers drug addicts. if we all are drug addicts too, singapore would have over a million drug addicts. you ruined my god damn life by trying to relive yours in me. and now you decide you want me to go to the uk to study this time. i might have wanted it few years back but circumtances have changed now. i'm now a very young single mother, i can't just go wherever i want. i need to consider if i'm able to cope overseas. and i know i can't. you always said i wasted your money in australia. what's the difference with uk if i can't cope? why do you always want to run my life so tight i feel like my life is not my own to decide? now that i want to study here, you refuse to help, saying you have no money. it's weird isn't it, that you have 18k for me to study for a year in uk but not 12k for me to study in singapore. you know i have no way of getting that amount. so you say that my boyfriend should pay for my studies. come on. you were the one who decided to give birth to me in stead of aborting me when you conceived me, not him. and you're not pushing me around like a ball. from your sister to my boyfriend, as if they're all responsible for the mistake you made in giving birth to me out of wedlock. i once thought you were very brave & self-less to single-handedly raise me. now i know that you just wanted to make me live your dream against my will or not. and when i vehemently object to your decision, you just push me aside to other like an old & broken plaything that you're bored of. i really look down on you now. you're the most irresponsible mother i ever came across. and here was me thinking i was irresponsible for putting my child with her dad on weekends to take a break.
you ruined my life with your selfish dreams. had you just left me happily studying in singapore, i would have been in my final year of my bachelor degree by now. i will never make the same mistake of making my child live my dream against her will.
and let me tell you this. i WILL study in SINGAPORE whether you like it or NOT. i'll find that 12k even it means i have to make your worst nightmare come through. as you always said, short-term suffering is better then long-term. and most importantly, i want to be able to give my child whatever she thinks is best for her in life. i don't mind suffering at others' handss for a few years to get my goal in life. I DESPISE YOU. | | Sponsored Ads | |
| | 000001345 | 566 hugs (hug) | comment | | i hate everyone.. | | 000001344 | 513 hugs (hug) | comment | | V-Day today, waited 7 hrs with flowers and a gift for a girl who never turned up, leaving only a sms saying she wants to be back with her ex-bf. I don't know how to describe how i'm feeling now, I'm not angry, just..just..sad. We may only have been a few months together, but I really enjoyed the time that I had with you.
If you really choose to go, I will let you go, it is your happiness after all.
I wish you well, dear. | | 000001343 | 476 hugs (hug) | comment | | I LOVE YOU DADDY! No ONE WILL EVER REPLACE YOUR LOVE!!! EVER! | | 000001342 (moody) | 395 hugs (hug) | comment | | im willing to work hard and put in my best effort. but why is it that no one wants to give me a chance? please dont keep me waiting anymore. | | 000001341 | 484 hugs (hug) | comment | | Looking back. now I realise how stupid I'm to be fell to the prey of my emotion. To believe that all this is forever. All this is everlasting sweetness. It's ain't true. I hope you will wake up soon. | | 000001340 (xx) | 532 hugs (hug) | comment | | I'm a Singaporean living overseas. I've lived out of Singapore all my life, and I'm always scared of going back home. I feel like i'm completely alienated when i'm there. I don't know anyone, I don't know anything. My family just goes straight back to a routine that I don't understand. I feel like a complete outsider, but everyone seems to expect that, despite never having lived there, that I'll instinctively be able to make my way around and understand. I dont know why i'm posting here but i feel like it. So ... nevermind *shrugs* | | 000001339 (Apr) | 554 hugs (hug) | comment | | When I really think about it, everytime I looked into his eyes, I saw his frustration, his ambition, and his need to right things. There's conviction in that. And to a certain extent, I saw the glimmer of a possibility. Some chance of a us in the future. That's in the past. I'm here with you now instead and I do love you. But when I search your eyes, I can't find the conviction of a future in store for us. I can't find the love you say you have for me. | | 000001338 | 620 hugs (hug) | comment | | i'm getting old.. | | 000001337 (moody) | 578 hugs (hug) | comment | | moody moody moody.... i dont know why im feeling this way too. many things have been weighing on my chest for such a long time. just got no one to turn to, no source of comfort. friends said that they will always be there for you, that we will always be friends forever. how much of that is true?? none i guess. no one looks at me in the eye and takes me seriously. no one bothers about my existence. why am i always playing second fiddle to someone else? why? why? all i wish for is for a true friend to stand by me. guess im destined to fail in relationships... friends, family... everything.
why is it that when im trying so hard, i just cannot succeed? even when i thought i had finally done it, everything becomes a flop again. am i born a failure? its been months now..im really eager and hungry for success.
and A levels results are going to be out soon... i dont know whether i can take it if i did badly. wonder who will attend my funeral, who will grief over my death... | | 000001336 (jm) | 604 hugs (hug) | comment | | i love diving so much i feel like quitting school... but the education system in Singapore makes me stay in school as without the damn CERT. i am nothing but a lousy diver.. | | 000001335 (agianst) | 646 hugs (hug) | comment | | its me again
sometimes I just wanna die so i would forget abt the pain i feel inside | | 000001334 (against) | 620 hugs (hug) | comment | | why is everyone always against me? |
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32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47
48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63
64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79
80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95
96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111
112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127
128 129 | top hugs
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confess happily.
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i stay awake at night and cry.
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