I wonder to myself daily Did I make a mistake coming back? The only real change is you got a job!




I have the best bf in this world that I could never ask for more but recently, I met a prc worker who took my breath away. He was sweet, natural, humorous and younger than me by many years. We bonded very well and had meals together so far. Every night, I yearn to receive his wechat message. He confessed to me that he had fallen for me and I wanted to tell him how much I like him too but we can’t be together. I couldn’t sleep without exchanging text with him. I felt like I have betrayed my bf’s feelings for me behind his back. I have to put this to a stop. Someone tell me how to.




Bounded in fear by 17th century laws
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For two years. Two years I’ve been confined and imprisoned by rules and philosophies created in the 17th century. Yes, I am a 22 year old whom just got freed from these ancient confinements. The preaching was brutal truth and terrifying.
Every time I was there, it was the only thing I was obligated to discuss and the longer I stayed, the more they reminded me of how terrifying and loose this liberal world is. For so long, so long I am finally freed but why can’t I breathe normally? Why is it still haunting me? Why? So much so that it’s causing a tremendous strain on every relation I ever had with someone.
Then one day, I was finally out, out and broken from these heavy metal chains. I was afraid to fly because I could fall. I was afraid of talking because I could say the wrong words. Afraid to dance because if I danced wrong, it would ruin the image I was expected to live up to. Afraid, afraid, all the time, fearful of every single action I was about to do. I was constrained by fear, not love.
If this was how real love functions and if was really for our protection to not do anything because of the fear of every single consequence that the pessimistic preachers told me, then it isn’t love anymore isn’t it? It’s fear, and this fear drowns me and limits all my movements because our minds could not be trusted, that’s what they say.
Now I’ve been accustomed to these restrictions for so long that the modern world becomes an elusive mirage to me. They tied me down, they chained me, they beat me up with every word that spat from their lips.
I am bruised, so bruised that I am having so much difficulty adapting to this modern world when everything seems normal to the majority, it didn’t. It didn’t seem right. I had this obsessive urge to correct everything with all the laws I had been imprisoned for two years. I lost my friends, my best friend and someone I wanted to connect to dearly.
Lonely, depressed and still trying to recover from the chains that had been bruised unto me. I couldn’t talk or socialize like I used to. I was lonely and desperately trying to connect with someone while he has been so lovingly patient with me but all I saw were flaws, flaws, flaws that didn’t fulfil the laws that they have been etched from this desolute experience. I can’t even guide myself because anything of self seems to be wrong. Wrong and just wrong. It’s been driving him crazy like it had been driving me crazy.




The one line I swore never to cross was the married man line. But I did. And I fell in love. I know it will never end well but I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into this. He says I complete him. I don’t know where we go from here. He is everything I wanted – well almost since he’s married- and I wish so much that we had met earlier. I won’t wish divorce on anyone and I struggle with my morals. I am not that slutty girl who you, or even I, point fingers at for dating a married man. But I am now. It hurts.




I just want to say you want me to stay after all u did and said…your ducking crazy! Like when I was in hospital with chest pain, the doctor was feeding me nitro glisteren and u was rolling ur damn eyes and huffing BC you wanted to be home killing zombies! I am just so don’t u said I was the stupidest woman you ever met…well I am but only for putting up with you in so done it ain’t funny!




I love u so much but what i get back is a heartless treatment from u. U tell me sorry, tell me u are worry me. But for what when u dont even care for me. Now i think i get it, all the while u are just cheating me. I am tired. Damn tired to let u play around. Go enjoy with the person with u now. I am out of the game.




Well, I saw you at XW restaurant about a week back.
I do not know why I am thinking of you ever since, was it because of your friendliness towards customer services or because I’ve good feeling about you..

Your carelessness on that day amused me.. Hoping to see you every time I walk past XW Cafe/restaurant but I suppose you only work during the weekend- night shift…

May be I am thinking too much, thinking that you have good feeling towards me too…

May be it is all my side’s feeling not yours.




SO PISSED OFF TO THE MAX. I work as a presch teacher. All my organization care about is money. They ‘extort’ money from parents for substandard ‘education’ which the parents pay 1000 over dollars for. Its not education where your kids play all day and are left to fend for themselves from bullies and children who hit and teachers turn into referees trying to stop children from hitting the crap out of each another. There is always a lack of staff as there is such a high turnover rate as the teachers feel abused and are treated badly. We are paid peanuts and are abused, emotionally and mentally by our bosses. We are insulted and compared to regularly till it has become a norm and most of them excuse themselves to cry in a corner about it. We have no money for school supplies..thus we have to fork out money from our own pockets for it. Yeah..dunno who is running the school at the end of the day. Dont even get me started about sick leave. If you take sick leave no matter how ill you are, you are immediately the villian. The bad guy. Nevermind the fact that you work with kids and that they could fall sick too. You are still a villian. Cause the bosses say that they hit losses when you are not in work. This is a preschool btw..this is education
. The more i think about this the more my blood boils. Teachers come and go, your child never has the same teacjer for the whole year. Ive even heard of teachers who have had maritial problems and even depression while working for this school. The love of kids and the passion brought us here to teach but the longer it gets…the passion just fades away. There is no such thing as a pay increment but you are asked to work longer hours every single day. Bonuses? Please. Oh and dont forget that they ask you to come back as and when they want you to.

Wonder why i am in this hellhole and havent left this place yet thought i rant so much?









I admit I sometimes hate my lady boss very much. I tried not to have hatred I my heart but I am really upset I am paid peanuts and have to do 2-3 persons job! sometimes I said this to myself “Put all the dollars in your mouth” and visualize that he mouth is stuff with dollar notes. “Eat all you can, put sausages in your mouth also!”